Sad Songs for Happy People
by Joe Conley
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BBW
03:19
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Heartache
04:06
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Super Girlfriend
02:48
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Happy Again
03:56
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Have a Beer
03:32
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Over You
04:23
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Queen of the Afternoon
03:47
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credits
released 02 January 2012
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Joe Conley's acoustic Americana sound reflects his southern Appalachian roots, but they don't explain the comic and ironic ... more bent of songs like "My Wife Loves Me, Why Won't You?" and "Will You Be My Ball and Chain?" Maybe those come from his family, where no subject was exempt from ridicule. Or maybe they're from his early facination with the songs of Randy Newman and Shel Silverstein. less
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- Track Name: Better Place Now
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She didn't like my car
Said it smelled funny
Wanted her door to open
Didn't want to use mine
She didn't like my apartment
That green shag carpet
Those plumbing problems
Coming up all the time
She wanted nicer things
But I was blind somehow
Now that I'm older
I hope that she's
In a better place
She didn't like my job
How poor it kept me
How I came home
Stinking like it
She didn't like my friends
Not that I did much
People I drank with
Back before I quit
She wanted nicer things
But I was blind somehow
Now that I'm older
I hope that she's
In a better place
It wasn’t pretty
Although she could be
It wasn’t easy
Although I was
It wasn’t ugly
‘Til it got ugly
I kept asking why
She kept saying because
She didn't like my loving
Or she didn't want it
Didn't want my hand
Resting on her leg
She didn't like me talking
Didn't want to hear it
No matter what I argued
No matter how I begged
She wanted nicer things
But I was blind somehow
Now that I'm older
I hope that she's
In a better place - Track Name: BBW
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She broke my heart the other day
Walked out the door and went away
And where she went she wouldn't say
And did I happen to mention she was a big breasted woman?
There was a world just in her smile
And for her kiss I'd walk a mile
I'll feel bad now for a while
And did I happen to mention she was a big breasted woman?
She was sweet and she was kind and she liked kittens and spring
And she could clean and she could sew and
she could cook anything
She had a job, she had a car
And there was just one more thing
Did I happen to mention she was a big breasted woman?
She was smarter than she needed to be
She had a graduate degree
I guess she finally saw through me
And did I happen to mention she was a big breasted woman?
She was sweet and she was kind and she liked kittens and spring
And she could clean and she could sew and
she could cook anything
She had a job, she had a car
And there was just one more thing
Did I happen to mention she was a big breasted woman?
Sometimes at the sink after supper
She'd stare out the window and sigh
I never asked what she thought
I just stood there and dried
I wanna get this off my chest
It never was about the breasts
No what I'll miss is all the rest
But I guess I should mention
Yeah I probably should mention
Did I happen to mention she was a big breasted woman?
Yes she was - Track Name: Heartache
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Heartache I can't wait
To tell you goodbye
I gave up, you showed up
You taught me your lies
Picture her smile, you said
Think of her touch
Never forget I still
Love her so much
Heartache my mistake
Was letting you stay
You're no friend, you're a dead end
You throw life away
Live in the past, you said
All those good times
Then you would bring out
Your misery wine
If life is a game then you cheat and you steal
If lfe is a banquet then you're a last meal
If life is a song then you sing out of key
Heartache, my heartache you're no good to me
Heartache, for heaven's stake
Won't you pack up and go?
You wore out your welcome
A long time ago
You showed me the gray skies
You hid all the rest
But I see some blue
Way off in the west
If life is a game then you cheat and you steal
If lfe is a banquet then you're a last meal
If life is a song then you sing out of key
Heartache, my heartache you're no good to me
Heartache I must make you walk out that door
And this time I mean it
Yeah this time I'm sure
And take all your stuff
No, don't leave a thing
And open that window
I wanna hear the birds sing
If life is a game then you cheat and you steal
If lfe is a banquet then you're a last meal
If life is a song then you sing out of key
Heartache, my heartache you're no good to me
Heartache I can't wait
To tell you goodbye - Track Name: I Met Her on the Internet
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You ask me where I found her
This Venus in blue jeans
This Helen of the honkytonks
This backyard porch swing queen
You know I spent a lot of time
With almost and not quite
So how did I uncover this new
Miss Exactly Right?
I met her on the internet
She's as pretty as they get
Drives around an old Corvette
Hasn't let me touch it yet
I never thought that I would go
And play the email Romeo
But her homepage I won't forget
'Cause I met her through it
On the internet
I'd given up, I'd lost all hope
I'd pretty much stopped trying
A friend of mine said why not go
And try your luck online?
The women they looked all the same
I knew there was no chance
Then I saw her and I believed in
World Wide Web romance
I met her on the internet
Got a smile you can't forget
Says she likes Lyle Lovett
He'd like her too, I bet
I never thought that I would go
And play the email Romeo
But her home page I won't forget
'Cause I met her through it
On the internet
God works in mysterious ways
He's even out in cyberspace
She was heaven sent I know
She can be a devil, though
How we met I won't lie
It's American as apple pie
If she were a flag I would salute her
I owe it all to my computer
I met her on the internet
A big dog's her favorite pet
We do dishes to Tammy Wynette
Go out back and watch the sunset
I never thought that I would go
And play the email Romeo
But her home page I won't forget
'Cause I met her through it . . .
I met her on the internet
I think I may be set
She doesn't mind that I'm in debt
Wants to name her first son Chet
I never thought that I would go
And play the email Romeo
But her home page I won't forget
'Cause I met her through it
On the internet - Track Name: Super Girlfriend
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Picture perfect – oh so worth it
Retouched, airbrushed, cannot be rushed
Made up, hair cut, just so mussed up
With those cheekbones – never alone
Jewelry wearing, people staring
Goddamned godsend – super girlfriend
Hips that swing right, clothes that hug tight
Curves a plenty but not too many
Hair all flowing; no roots showing
Legs that stretch down right to the ground
Jewelry wearing, people staring
Goddamned godsend – super girlfriend
Awe inspiring when retiring
Big bedroom eyes; no alibis
Dressed for the part – did I say smart
Game with no net; never forget
Jewelry wearing, people staring
Goddamned godsend – super girlfriend
Better never, not forever
Can’t be tied down; you’re lost, she’s found
One and only; steps from lonely
Misprint mistake; heavy heartbreak
Jewelry wearing, people staring
Goddamned godsend – super girlfriend - Track Name: My Wife Loves Me, Why Won't You?
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You’ve got a face to launch a thousand ships
Mine set sail when you walked in
And in your voice I hear a melody
And your perfume makes my head spin
I touch your shoulder and I see sparks fly
A shock runs through me to the bone
I never, ever felt this way before
So why won’t you take me home?
And you keep saying that I’m not your type
And I keep saying that’s not true
I’m only asking you this one last time
My wife loves me, why won’t you?
I’ve listened closely to the things you’ve said
I know all about your family
I’ve laughed and jokes and frowned at things gone wrong
When you said look I said I see
I’ve complimented you a dozen times
And I meant every word you know
But when I say I’ve got a motel room
You say you’re really got to go
And you keep saying that I’m not your type
And I keep saying that’s not true
I’m only asking you this one last time
My wife loves me, why won’t you?
I am a working man out on the road
A different motel every night
I miss the tender talk, the gentle touch
That follows turning out the light
And I don’t do this kind of thing a lot
In fact I can’t remember when
But when it’s magic like it is tonight
It’s only wrong to let it end
And you keep saying that I’m not your type
And I keep saying that’s not true
I’m only asking you this one last time
My wife loves me, why won’t you?
I’m only asking you this one last time
My wife loves me, why won’t you? - Track Name: Curvy Roads and Curvy Women
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It gripped the asphalt
And it steered true
I thought I owned the road but it always owns you
It had the horses
Sure could go
Stopping was another matter though
Curvy roads and curvy women
Equal trouble that I get in
On the straight and on the narrow I just
Cannot stay
I could drive a little slower
Set my sights a little lower
But curvy roads and women
Always lead me astray
Some folks say you run too fast
Tend to overlook the little things you pass
So I will change, just you wait
When all the women look like men
And roads run straight
Curvy roads and curvy women
Equal trouble that I get in
On the straight and on the narrow I just
Cannot stay
I could drive a little slower
Set my sights a little lower
But curvy roads and women
Always lead me astray
Try to learn my lessons well
Low road leads straight to hell
You try to take the high
You'll watch her wave goodbye
Turn hard you're in a spin
Another race you cannot win
Those mountains and those hills
I can picture them all still
Curvy roads and curvy women
Equal trouble that I get in
On the straight and on the narrow I just
Cannot stay
I could drive a little slower
Set my sights a little lower
But curvy roads and women
Always lead me astray - Track Name: Happy Again
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Well I met a woman who looked just like you
Out walking at midnight alone
And I told her about you and how much I miss you
And how you'd walked out on our once happy home
She had eyes like your eyes, she had hair like your hair
She even had that lopsided grin
I told her all that and she smiled that smile
And asked what I'd give to have you again
She said for twenty she'd hold me
For thirty she'd kiss me
For forty we could be more than friends
And if I made if fifty then she'd say she loved me
And finally I could be happy again
I said I'm not the type, she said she wasn't either
But we must do what we must do
And she asked about things that we did that I liked
And she said that she'd like to do those things, too
She said for twenty she'd hold me
For thirty she'd kiss me
For forty we could be more than friends
And if I made if fifty then she'd say she loved me
And finally I could be happy again
Then came the part that I hate to admit
I gave it all, I wanted all of that stuff
Let those without sin be the first to throw stones
Or maybe I've punished myself enough
Well it's real hard to drive through the dark and the cold
To a place that feels nothing like home
It's hard to find love when you've already found it
And after it's gone you just can't let it go
I gave her twenty to hold me, thirty to kiss me
For forty we were much more than friends
Then I gave her fifty and she said she loved me
Oh when will I ever be happy again?
Well I met a woman who looked just like you - Track Name: Have a Beer
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It was a shock you see
She walked right out on me
Said I didn't listen or something like that
I sort of fell apart
She'd gone and packed my heart
Then I found something that got me back on track
And it's delicious, expeditious, and nutritious so I hear
If you're heartsick it can help quick
Lost a lover? Have a beer
I had a truck one time
I thought that it was mine
Missed a few payments bank took it back
My big screen TV
The repo man can see
I sit and drink--watch where it sat
The drink's delicious, expeditious, and nutritious so I hear
Write rubber checks sometimes? You can bounce back fine
Lost your wheels? Have a beer
You can drink it from bottles
You can drink it from cans
You can sit at the end of the bar
Pint glass in each hand
There was this job I had
It didnt' seem so bad
Days passed by fast and the paycheck was fine
My boss was stupid though
One day I told him so
Next thing I knew I had lots of free time
For things delicious, expeditious, and nutritious so I hear
Unemployment can mean enjoyment
Lost a job? Have a beer
One day your bones will creak
Back ache and sore feet
New things'll break and the old ones won't mend
Can't see or hear too well
Memory's gone to hell
I know a friend who'll be there until the end
And it's delicious, expeditious, and nutritious so I hear
Can't get around? Well just sit right down
Lost your memory? Have a beer
Lost a job? Have a beer
Lost your whells? Have a beer
Lost a lover? Have a beer
Lost anything at all? Have a beer
Haven't lost a thing? You can celebrate with fine champagne
Or you can have a beer - Track Name: Over You
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It's a pretty summer night
A slice of moon, a starry sky
And I sit her on the porch
Feel the earth as it slips by
Crickets and cicadas sing
Honeysuckle smells so sweet
A beer sweats in my hand
And my whole world feels complete
I think about my life so far
All the things that I now know
That to live is to love
It's not always easy though
Life means what we make it mean
Impossible things can come true
We don't need even one regret
And I am finally over you
I call the dog and scratch his head
And he curls up next to me
I hear the TV in the house
Things are bad as they can be
I see the lights off to the west
The city's growing sort of near
I'll want to move before too long
But for now I'm happy here
I think about my life so far
All the things that I now know
That to live is to love
It's not always easy though
Life means what we make it mean
Impossible things can come true
We don't need even one regret
And I am finally over you
There's no your side of the bed
I don't look for you when I get home
I've learned to read myself to sleep
And I like to eat alone
I picture you once in a while
But it's a face I can ignore
Still I sit here on the porch
'Til I'm absolutely sure
I think about my life so far
All the things that I now know
That to live is to love
It's not always easy though
Life means what we make it mean
Impossible things can come true
We don't need even one regret
And I am finally over you - Track Name: Will You Be My Ball and Chain?
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I saw a bird up in the sky
I waved at him, he just flapped by
I saw a squirrel run up a tree
He dropped a nut, then waved at me
Can’t walk the walk, can’t dance the dance
I’d need new shoes, I’d need new pants
I tried ‘em on, they didn’t fit
But maybe not I’m over it
I wanna go whole hog
Like his and her tattoos
I want to set a date
For a courthouse rendezvous
I want to lock ‘em on and engrave ‘em with your name
Will you be my ball and chain?
I called the doctor and he said
You’re talking to me, you’re not dead
I called the banker, he was out
Spending my money I don’t doubt
You know the flowers in the spring
Can make you feel most anything
But here it is now almost fall
Things haven’t changed, no not at all
I wanna go whole hog
Like his and her tattoos
I want to set a date
For a courthouse rendezvous
I want to lock ‘em on and engrave ‘em with your name
Will you be my ball and chain?
Give you the moon, give you the stars
I’ll keep the restaurants and bars
You’ll have the flowers and the trees
We’ll share the birds and the bees
We’ll buy a car so we can drive
Buy a front door to go inside
If it’s too hot we’ll get a/c
If it’s too cold then you’ll have me
I wanna go whole hog
Like his and her tattoos
I want to set a date
For a courthouse rendezvous
I want to lock ‘em on and engrave ‘em with your name
Will you be my ball and chain?
I wanna go whole hog
Like his and her tattoos
I want to set a date
For a courthouse rendezvous
Want you to lock ‘em on and engrave ‘em with my name
Can I be your ball and chain?
Ball and chain - Track Name: Queen of the Afternoon
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She's the queen of the afternoon
She holds the cards at night
There at daybreak she calls the tune
As she lets in that first light
She's the one who makes the morning pass
She's got the lunch hour down
She's the queen of the afternoon
She makes my world go round
They say romantic love isn't real
Say poets made the whole thing up
How do I love thee? - they say it's a game
We lived without well enough
They say it's random who we end up with
She's made for me - what a lie
Now I'm not claiming that I know the truth
But I know until I die that
She's the queen of the afternoon
She holds the cards at night
There at daybreak she calls the tune
As she lets in that first light
She's the one who makes the morning pass
She's got the lunch hour down
She's the queen of the afternoon
She makes my world go round
I knew a woman lovely as a flower
But you can't live on loveliness
I knew a woman swayed when she walked
She walked on, what's the fuss?
And these were all in another place
Where I was not who I am now
Here I wake up and get on my knees
Got to thank someone somehow that
She's the queen of the afternoon
She holds the cards at night
There at daybreak she calls the tune
As she lets in that first light
She's the one who makes the morning pass
She's got the lunch hour down
She's the queen of the afternoon
She makes my world go round
